I still cannot believe Darrell is more innocent than me. No way!
It was good seeing you guys: Armando, Darrell, Larry, Quan, Irene, and David. It was a short notice, but I was glad you guys could make it out. I know it was a tame night, but what can I say…I’m old now. I’ve grabbed so many boobs and humped so many things…just not that exciting to me anymore. But nonetheless, I’m glad we still have pictures of the past to help us hold on to these memories.
I need to start writing about things that made me happy each day. So here’s a start…and let’s hope for many more.
One of my guy friends told me today that when he has his bachelor party, he will invite me. In a weird way, I was really touched by that. It is an honor to be considered one of the guys.
Then more smiles came along.
Teaching someone to video chat on the phone. Even though I had a couple emotional diarrheas, he actually handled it quite well and didn’t get disgusted. Then there’s the sharing of how awesome it is to eat animals. When the darker side of me comes out, a nudge with a large cotton swab will be used “gently” so that I won’t be in pain. I’ve never had anyone watch me eat before while that person is not doing anything.
“even better let’s both try not to get hurt”
I like that.
Am I feeling more positive energy in my life?
never thought i had to, but i have to.
what is the point of trying so hard to make something work. hoping something will work. when deep down, you know there’s no compatibility there.
why am i not looking at compatibility?
once compatibility is there, do you try hard to make it work then? what if it seems like it’s impossible. everyone thinks it’s impossible.
not compatible, right place.
compatible, wrong place.
life just wants me to hit all the combination before i settle down. or…maybe i’m not meant to settle down.
what if, i’m just meant for greater things in life. love is just not one of them.
hi xanga,
sorry i haven’t written here in so long.
you know, it is not a good idea to go back and read some people’s old entries. why did i do that? it’s like a slap to my face.
it’s been five years already. i’m still not going anywhere. life had so much meaning back then. what happened?
i’m trying. trying to let go. trying to embrace what’s new. hopefully, all this will take me to a new world.
love, alice
yesterday was valentine’s day. unfortunately, i don’t celebrate it. not since 2005.
high expectations can lead to big disappointments…so i kinda just stopped.
however, i did have a great day yesterday…
lunch at soondubu…my fav. food. marco treated me. he ate soondubu with me despite the fact that he’s sick. but hey, soondubu is a great comfort food when you’re sick!! right, cin?
in the afternoon, i worked at home, played games, and watched videos.
for dinner, i cooked a delicious porridge with a recipe that i pretty much just made up right there on the spot by scavenging the ingredients i could use from our fridge. marco loved it and ate two big bowls.
i drank alone because my friends are all in taipei and no one could come to taoyuan to drink…boo! however, we did chat over fb and did cheers…
then i took a nice bath to end the day.
relaxing and good day, dontcha think?
…life should be, fun for everyone.
so helen left…this means back to my regular routine.
breakfast, nutritional shake.
lunch, something that’s not hot pot.
dinner, my lame ass cooking.
spa nights, tuesday and thursday.
foot massages, when i feel like it.
clam essence before i go to bed.
yes, come back to me, beautiful healthy skin!!
i am trying to go to bed by 12am every night and wake up at 7am.
ok, the IDEAL goal is be in bed by 11pm…but i need to be realistic, so i’m putting 12am for now.
and so far, i’ve failed at 7am and have been waking up around 7:15-7:30am.
go go go, i can do it!
早睡早起, 我要當個水噹噹美人
早餐是營養奶昔
中餐隨便吃
晚餐自己煮
每個禮拜去SPA兩次
睡前喝一瓶蜆精
加油! 加油!
i love my family. okay, not everyone in my family, but most of them. there are many things i would do for them…including sacrificing my own desires. my dad, my mom and my sister…money is never an issue when it comes to them. as long as i feel it’s something they like, i won’t care too much about the price tag as long as i can afford it.
i love my dogs. i think if a car is about to run them over, i would jump in to grab them no matter how dangerous. but another thought came up…who will take care of them if i die and they survive? these are things i think about a lot. i am considering writing up a will to make sure my dogs will be taken care of in case something happens to me…due to all the flying around i do…you never know.
there are probably two friends i really love. one guy and one girl. why is it them i love?
girl…
“alice, does he love you as much as i do?”
“no, he doesn’t.”
“then don’t marry him.”
very true. if you don’t love me as much as my best friend does…you really don’t deserve my hand in marriage. damn, i sound kinda cocky and bitchy here.
guy…
i don’t know what it is, but i love him. he really isn’t there for me THAT much, but he is there somehow when i’m sad and low. i think it’s because we used to know each other so well…then it got bad…then we became friends again. if ever he needs my help, i’m there nonetheless. he’s really busy now a days, but sometimes when i’m out having fun, i would pick up my phone and text him, “i miss you.”
then there’s the not-so-sure love.
i thought i was so sure…but after so many fights and arguments, i do begin to question if i can keep on loving a person who dares saying such horrible words to me at times. i know about the whole sometimes when people are angry, they say things that they don’t mean. however, it’s very hard for me to put myself in those shoes because i can’t say those things to anyone myself. it’s like, really? am i really that horrible?
dear friend,
i’m confused. once i prayed that he would love me. and if he does, i will continue to love him no matter what. but it’s really hard when horrible things happen and my feelings get hurt over and over again. sure, there are wonderful moments as well, so it does balance out all the bad times, but i am starting to get tired. this whole riding the tide in a relationship can be exhausting.
simplicity is good, but it is so hard to maintain. growing up really sucks.
and to tell you the truth, i don’t think anyone would ever want to marry a girl like me. wait, let me rephrase that…i don’t think i can find anyone who really loves me and want to marry me. who wants to marry someone who is always flying around and can’t take care of the household? which guy could accept that all that i want is “a family?” guys are selfish and they have their dreams…my own dream is too plain for them.
anyways, time to go. i’m actually doing ok the last two days despite what i’m writing on here. i just really need to write out these thoughts.
ktv tonight with friends and marco is coming with me. wow, for once, he’s interested in hanging out with my friends.
haven’t done this in a long time…so here we go.
i cried. it was so stupid, but i cried the day i was leaving norcal to come back to taiwan. it was in the morning and both paulo and jeff were still sleeping downstairs. i was listening to some chinese song and remembering all that happened in the past two weeks with all the people i care about here in the u.s…then the tears just came, unexpected. in my mind, i was crying out “omg, i have to go back to taiwan!!” back to the world where the people i most care about right now are absent. if we spend time together during my trip, you have no idea how great it made me feel to be surrounded by friends…friends who care and enjoy the same things i do.
the night i came back to taiwan, i also cried. mainly because marco and i had an argument…about clothes that got moldy because he didn’t hang it right. then he started attacking me with all these horrible things that i don’t do enough of. apparently, the clothes wouldn’t be moldy if i washed them correctly. my value standards are so diff from his. my value standards are so diff from his because i like buying expensive things and he doesn’t. i didn’t let it get under my skin as much as before. all i can say is- fucker, the clothes are moldy because you didn’t hang it right and it has nothing to do with my washing machine or how i wash my clothes. i buy expensive things because it makes me happy to buy things and i’m using my own money. oh, and supposedly, i’m a conceited person. really? chinese is 自以為是. ok, in america, we call that “confidence.”
i’m sick of not being able to be myself.
i forgot what happened near the end, but i kind of just told him he’s being stupid for getting mad at me when i’m telling him what he did wrong when it comes to hanging clothes. i just did my own thing. the next day, i got to spend my day alone…and that felt great. finally, when i got home around dinner time, things seem to be better. i still went out with my friends to drink and sing ktv because they’ve been planning this before i came back. besides, i really need to make more friends in taiwan…better for me.
lesson to learn: when we get into fights, i’ll just ignore everything and do my own things. let him know, i am no longer affected by his angry words and i do have other places to go. your threatening words shall never do me harm. it’s ironic, because my dad taught me this tactic. he said i can be nice to someone…but if they ever go overboard, don’t let them have it. show them you have control over yourself. i may not control how he is, but i can choose how i handle the situation.
now, story time. long time ago, a girl used to say i love you. she hasn’t said i love you in nine years. it’s a curse phrase and she can’t say them anymore. short story, the end.
throw up time…
relationships can get really complicated when you’re older. i’m not sure if i’m in love anymore. when am i getting married? i don’t know where this is going. i am scared to figure out and go for what i want anymore. no more stupidity. i care and will notice everything about you, but let’s just say, our timing sucks. i wish you happiness. when you need me, i’ll be there.
you know what. i really need to start having a relationship with myself. if i can, i would like to be single for more than a year. yeah, i know, everyone wants to be with someone…who would want to be alone? but that sounds so appealing right now…i want freedom…
i have this urge to book a plane ticket right now to go somewhere random…all by myself.
woke up around 7:45am, which is better than the normal 8:30am. my usual morning consists of
sometimes, i would try to do a 10 to 15 min. chore as well. all this would take me 2 hours. yeah, that takes a long time.
i managed to get to the office by 10:30am and did work for two hours. i was hoping that my staff would finish with the paperwork for me to approve payments for the suppliers this month, but nope, nada yet. so i checked my e-mails, replied to e-mails, did some paperwork here and there, and left the office by 1pm. i had lunch at the FE department store. lunch was shabu shabu at Lemongrass Restaurant. i like their soup base, which was made from lemongrass. however, the best thing about this place is their lemongrass sauce! oh, and unlimited lemongrass green tea. yum yum. i even texted Helen during lunch to let her know i’m eating shabu shabu. 
went to get my facial at sisley at 2pm. this time, it took two hours. i think probably because my period just finished and i had a lot of pimples on my chin. the lady put cleansing mask on me twice to make sure i get all the toxins out of my skin. plus, she knew that i’m leaving for China this saturday, so she had to prepare me for the worst. China always makes my skin bad. i think it’s the water quality there.
after sisley, i went to pick up our dry cleaning, which was only a silk duvet cover. i think i’m going to switch to a new dry cleaner, mainly because the old one is a bit too far (by the old house). i do feel bad leaving them since they are a small mom and pop store and the couple who owns it are super nice. i’ll give the dry cleaner near us a shot and if they suck, well, i guess the extra drive wouldn’t really hurt.
my h2o shirt’s button fell off, so i went back to Shinkong department store to bring it to the lady at the store to fix it for me. since she’s always so helpful when buttons fall off of my shirts, i usually buy a lot of clothes from her. good service is the key. i didn’t buy a lot from her this year though because their dresses and winter stuff are alright. i did buy a lot of turtle necks and pants. after h2o, i stopped by iris girls to say hi to the girl who works there. obviously, i’m also one of her good clients. their dresses and jackets are always super cute. i bought a shitload of stuff from her last week, so today, i went back and got the “maybes” because i don’t want to regret not buying them. i saw her wearing these really cute gray boots (no heel)…and asked her where she got it. she took me downstairs to the shoes department right away to see them. omg, they are super comfy!!! they also had another color in red brown which i really like, so i ended up buying two pairs for myself. 
i found out that she is also a shoes fanatic…so i found a shoe friend. yay!!! she told me she bought eight pairs of shoes last month already. that’s my girl right there! haha.
i got home around 8pm and unpacked my shopping bags right away. Marco and i took the dogs out for a walk and we rented Robin Hood (with Russel Crowe) on bluray. unfortunately, when we got home, i had to shower, wash the dogs, and eat…so not going to watch this movie tonight. i told Marco i’ll try to finish all my stuff tomorrow and try to make it back early to watch the movie with him.
i can’t wait to wear my new boots tomorrow!
i woke up early today at 8:30am. why? because i was doing a catering order on cafe world and it ended at 9am. so i set my alarm to wake up in time to make enough dishes to complete the goal. horray! and i did! go me. yeah, obsessed just a lil’ bit.
anyways, i had three pieces of wheat bread for breakfast. still trying to finish that loaf of bread i bought from the bakery nearby two days ago. it’s good, but man, it’s a lot of bread. i definitely need to buy the smaller bread next time. mmmm…the ones with grapes and walnuts in them were delicious!
then i played my fb games until noon. for lunch, it was curry again. yum yum curry! afterwards, i took Pika and Mochi out for a walk to the pet store, which is literally just down the street. i wanted to buy shoes for Pika since she’s always walking outside and sometimes i’m worried that her feet might pick up some bacteria (taiwan streets can be very dirty). i ended up picking out these bronze booties with hard soles. the shoes also had a zipper so that it is easier to put on their feet. poor Pika did not like the shoes. she would not walk!!! the employee at the pet shop lured her with beef jerky, then she started walking towards her. it was hilarious to see her walk all weird though. she’ll need to slowly get used to it.
i also got a hair brush for the babies. the brush head is made of stainless steel, so it’s not suppose to harm their skin. also, it gets deep down into their coats to get all the loose hair out. i brushed Pika for about 10 minutes and there were a lot of hair! nice brush. oh, and quite pricey, USD$50. but it works quite well, i would think it’s a good investment.
on top of that, i got Pika a new retractable leash plus a poo bag holder. they’re both pink so yay for matching! today was definitely a shopping day for the dogs.
we went home and i vacuumed and mopped the house. Mochi still does not like the dyson. she was barking quite ferociously actually.
around 5pm, we all went to Tai Mall to shop around and eat dinner. dinner was egg wrapped around rice with fried shrimp curry. yeah, i had curry again. oh, and it sucked. my curry is better. i think i was cheated because my meal cost more than it was worth. two tiny shrimps…all i got. yeah, all that for USD$5. not worth it. i was expecting big shrimps. should have gotten the sea bass.
we did shop at OSIM and got the eye massager! let’s see if it’ll help my eyes relax. yay OSIM!
