The past few weeks have been a roller coaster ride. That seems to happen a lot since I moved to Taiwan. Never thought the working world could give me so much pressure.

Before we started working, traveling is just something we look forward to. We were excited about traveling. But now, it's just a break from work.

I just went on a 3-day trip with my cousin's company and my mom's side of the family. It was great...a break from all the pressure. But it felt different. I wasn't excited the night before.  My little cousin hardly slept and woke up at 4am because he was excited. Me? Not so much. I didn't even pack until the last minute. It was just...a break to me.

When did traveling become just a break?

What happened to the fun in it?

If it ever happens, I know what to do.  I had a plan. I knew what must be done.

Now...it's happening. And shouldering all the burden that comes with it, seems harder than I thought. The pain. The guilt. The fear.

All the bad things that I thought I was prepared for...are much more than expected.

I went to the Emergency Room on Monday night because my stomach was bloated for two days and it started hurting real bad Monday night. The doc gave me a shot to stop the pain, in which it did...thankfully. However, from the x-ray, he said it's obvious my intestines are filled with air bubbles (that's why it's bloated).

Today, I went back for a check-up with a Digestive System specialist. He said based on my blood test from a few months ago, some measurement from my liver is pretty high (liver cholestrol/fat volume????). Normal is 36, my number is 65. Not sure how horrible that is, but it sounded bad from the doctor. So now, I have to:

1. Stop staying up late. 1am to 3am is when the liver needs its rest, so I must get myself to sleep before that time.
2. No more alcohol intake. Sorry friends, no more heavy drinking from yours truly.
3. Eat slowly - I tend to eat too fast...making it hard for my stomach to digest.

I have to go back next week for an ultrasound and a stomach check (you know, they put a tube with a camera thing at the end down your throat to your esophagus, and finally to your stomach). Yeah, I heard this process is very uncomfortable. Who has done it? Is it painful? I'm kinda scared.

Must eat healthy....

 Last week, I was thinking...wow, now that I'm content with my life and everything seems "settled," it seems like all the pain before is nothing. They're just tiny little pokes, even though it felt kind of like hell hole to me at the time.

Truth.

How wonderful it is to know the truth. At the same time, how pitiful it is to know the truth. Wonderful for me. Pitiful for him. Well, not entirely pitiful...more like, knowing he's pretty naive.

A love from the past turned out to be a huge crush that never became a relationship. He called it love- he gave his heart away. But after knowing the truth from the girl, the feeling was one-sided. He claimed they dated for a week. That one week was so memorable to him. She said they were never together. She knew he liked her but she never accepted him. That one week doesn't exist in her life.

It's good for me because I'm no longer haunted by this girl of the past. I thought their love was so grand that I can never get over it.

It's sad at the same time because something he thought was so grand...was unimportant to her.

Anyways, enough blah blah blah.

Life is pretty good. Busy with work. Paying more attention to work. A lot of things are turning into a routine. There is no confusion in my love life. I'm more free. Not entirely free, but more free.

For now...I'm good.

After a week of exhibiting in Taiwan, I am so thankful for a nice weekend of fun times.

KTV outing Friday and Sunday, going-away dinner for my friend, day of relaxation with the boyfriend, and just a sense of happiness from the things I did.

Anyways...great to be happy.

Most likely, I'll be back in California in September for the wedding of two crazies and possibly visit a client or two.

So let me know if you want to get together.

Things I want to do:

1. Korean BBQ
2. House of Prime Rib
3. Food whore adventure aka try a new restaurant.
4. Napa Wine Country
5. Drink with my buddies.

I think that's a good list. Don't want to list too many things since my time is limited. Haha.

a year ago, i was around 123-125lbs. eh, it didn't really bother me, but i wanted to look healthier, so i started working out.

some things i've learned this past year about losing weight (the healthy way)...

1. Do at least 40 minutes of cardio 3-4 times a week. Yes, 40 minutes. The first 20 minutes is kind of a hardcore warm-up, it is after 20 minutes that you start burning those extra fat in your body.
2. Lifting weight is actually important. If you just do plain ol' cardio, you're just cutting the fat. However, if you maintain a toned body, the muscle mass will keep fat from building up in your body. So while you're cutting fat from cardio, you must also prevent the fat from coming back by doing weights. I try to do weights at least twice a week.
3. Oatmeal or cereal for breakfast. More fiber, less fat, healthy!
4. Vegetable + rice for lunch. Sometimes, I don't even eat the rice, just the vegetable.
5. Dinner by 7pm. I try to have it before 6pm if possible. After 8pm, no more food should enter my body.
6. Go work out an hour after dinner because I heard that is the best time to work out to get all the toxins out of your body.
7. After shower, I rub on this fat burning gel on my tummy and legs, and so far, it's keeping me from gaining more weight. I've only used this for a month though...so still observing.
8. During the day, I wear these socks that go up to my knees that help me burn calories while walking. It also prevents your calves from puffing up due to long-term standing or sitting. I usually wear jeans, so it covers up the socks. Haha.
9. Drink two glasses of warm water every morning when I wake up. It helps you clean out the toxins in your body after a night of sleep.
10. Drink lots of water. I drink water like crazy everyday.
11. Drink a bottle of green tea everyday, it helps cut the fat in your body.

it takes a while to adjust my bad routine to this healthier one, but it pays off. i'm down to 110 lbs. now, so the result is pretty awesome. just thought i share this with my friends.

Stefanie Sun has a song called "Invisible Person," such a great song.

For those of you who like Chinese songs, I recommend it. Read the lyrics, it's really sad, but touching at the same time.

Anyways, life is frustrating. So frustrating that I just want to give up caring. I wish I can just not care.

Cold-hearted. It seems like this is the only way to not feel pain.

Words that hurt me will not make me sad. No more speechlessness.
No more sadness.
Just...peace.

Lately, I've been disappointed by friends I tried to become close with here in Taiwan.

Almost stood up.

No connection whatsoever.

Difference in age and culture.

Ditched at a gathering.

Having to go home alone.

~I'm just frustrated. Friends in California are way cooler than friends in Taiwan. Nuff said~

this is me
life should be
fun for everyone

Yeah, that's from that song "Hello World." I think only Cin knows what I'm talking about. If you've seen that movie Down To You, then you know what I'm talking about. Gosh, I miss those Freddie Prinze Jr. movies. Cheesy, yet, they're classics to me.

The past 2-3 weeks have been quite a rollercoaster ride for me. Many discoveries, many emotional moments~ my life is like a futomaki. (I wonder who got that?) Don't you feel like I'm so weird nowadays? Maybe it's something in the air in Taiwan I'm breathing.

To sum it up...

• I cried...and cried...and let go. If you let go and it comes back to you, it's yours.
• Pieces of me are coming back. I'm still fragile in some ways, but at times, I surprise myself with the strength I've forgotten I have.
• I talked to my mom about marriage and now I bet most of my family thinks I'm getting married. My mom thinks I shouldn't get married. No wait, she DISCOURAGED me. Apparently, I'm not anyone's ideal wife. Great...
• Two crazy chihuahuas are living with me. They don't fight anymore...but they shed like crazy! I have to dry sweep my floor everyday to prevent chihuahua hair build-up in my house. Arrrggghhh!!!
• But seeing those two babies sleeping together in my arms makes me melt like ice. They're a great comfort in my life.

That's all I have to report for now. Maybe more later...